Oh wikipedia - is there any ailment you can't convince me that i've got?

(This just after admonishing someone for self-diagnosing when they clearly lack the medical training and/or common sense to make a proper judgement. Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the most hypocritical of all?)

Anyway, turns out, according to wikipedia, that Tourette's sometimes manifests as a condition called palilalia, or repeating one's own words. It's described as an urge that can be suppressed, to a greater or lesser degree depending on the person and the circumstance, but typically the more the urge is suppressed, the more it builds up and the harder it is to suppress. This all sounds very familiar to me.

Now, I say a lot of really stupid stuff. I can have this palilalia thing happen anytime, but the stupider the thing I said (5 minutes ago, or an hour, or yesterday..) the more the urge to repeat it out loud. Kinda like I have to say it out loud to hear whether it really sounded as stupid as i remember. Only i'm not really thinking about it, i just have to say it and if i don't, it just starts looping around in my head until i do. Also, it seems to be almost uncontrollable if i drank a lot the night before (but not enough to have completely forgotten everything). It's like the control circuitry is burnt out in that hung-over state. (Also, i think i probably say WAY more stupid stuff when i'm drunk, too, and the effect is magnified by not realizing just HOW stupid it was until the next day..)

Another manifestation of Tourette's, probably among the most common, is phonic tics. I have experienced a persistent need to make a sound in the back of my throat - something between a purr and a quiet growl - but only during periods when i'm with someone else all the time, and only when i'm in their presence but not able to talk to them (like perhaps they're sleeping, or reading, or otherwise engaged). It occurs to me that during these periods, i am probably suppressing the word-repeating behaviour, as it's not something i normally let myself do when anyone else is around, but it has to come out somehow. And the urge/release for the purr/growl feels very similar to the word-repeating behavior, if maybe a little more physical, kinda like scratching an itch.

So why am i telling you this? I guess I was hoping to find out whether anybody else who comes here (and has, by some miracle, made it this far into the journal entry) can relate to this - do you have some similar odd compulsion that you just kinda live with, keeping it under wraps when you can but having it surface sometimes before or beyond your control?
Anyone?

Ok, i need another beer.

..
OK, i've been gone awhile. I actually pretty much quit drawing not long after i left here. Part of my rationale for coming back is to force myself to re-examine what i've done as i start drawing again. I'm kinda re-learning stuff i already knew, before i can get to pick-up-where-i-left-off and start actually learning fresh stuff. and there's a whole lot to learn. Feels like i'd really been going in circles from day one, never really got anything quite right. Gonna try to approach things this time out a little more of an eye for developing some skills instead of just scribbling around hoping something emerges.

Anyway, i've tons of old stuff, and very little new stuff that's finished, so if you saw me here before, expect a lot of repeats. Every now and then, i'll edit a piece that was up before and repost it - hopefully the intervening time allows me to see not just that a piece is somehow "wrong" but also what needs to be changed to fix it. But i am still counting on your comments and critiques to help me along (go easy, i'm sensitive. jk! tell me what you think, i wanna know!) I really do appreciate all the looks and any praise that comes along, but the thing that really helps is the sometimes bitter medicine of honest critique, so don't hold back! (I won't lie to ya - i'm kinda ornery and grouchy at times, so if it seems like i snap back at some helpful criticisms, it probably has more to do with my caffeine intake for the day than anything else).

OK, boobs, anyone?